How To Deal With: Child Using Anxiety As An Excuse

Is your child using their anxiety as an excuse?

It can be difficult to deal with a child who constantly uses their anxiety to explain away their questionable behaviour. Lots of parents find themselves in this situation. 

And it's tough...

On the one hand, you want to help your child and make them feel better. On the other hand, their behavior can be really frustrating and exhausting to navigate.

However, it's important to remember that, whether we like it or not, this is just a "part" of your child and that they still need the same certainty and comfort that any other child needs.

Takeaways:

• Children who use anxiety as an excuse are not trying to be manipulative - they may not even be aware that they are doing it.
• Worry can be a powerful motivator and children who are anxious may find that their anxiety gives them a sense of control.
• It's important to remember that anxiety is a real and debilitating emotion, and as such, needs to be treated with care and understanding.
• There are some things that you can do to help a child who uses their anxiety as an excuse: talk to them, encourage them to express their feelings, help them to understand their anxiety, develop a plan, try to remain calm.

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a strange and complicated emotion. It's natural for children to feel anxious at some points in their lives, but when, at some point, it begins to interfere with daily life then it can become a problem.

What Triggers Anxiety In Children?

Common triggers include:

• Changes in routine
• Separation from parents or caregivers
• School or exams
• Fear of the dark
• Having to speak in front of others
• Seeing blood or injuries

Anxiety can manifest itself in different ways. Some children may become withdrawn and shy, while others may exhibit angry and aggressive behaviour.

It's important to remember that each child is different and will therefore react differently to anxiety.

Worry, bordering on fear, can also cause physical symptoms such as:

• Upset stomach; they may complain of feeling "sick" or of pain in their tummy.
• Headaches/Dizziness; they may feel faint or unsteady on their feet.
• Muscle tension and fatigue; they may complain of "achy" muscles or of feeling tired all the time.
• Sweating/Hot flushes; their palms may sweat and they may feel flushed or unusually hot.
• Shortness of breath/Hyperventilation; they may feel like they can't catch their breath or may start to pant/breathe rapidly.
• Shaking/Trembling; their hands or legs may shake uncontrollably.
• Trouble sleeping; they may find it hard to get to sleep or may wake up during the night.

These physical symptoms can be extremely distressing for a child and can make them feel even more anxious.

Dealing With A Child Who Uses Anxiety As An Excuse

Firstly, it's important to understand that children who use their anxiety as an excuse are not trying to be manipulative. In fact, they may not even be aware that they are doing it.

Worry can be a powerful motivator and children who are anxious may find that their anxiety gives them a sense of control.

After all, if they can explain away their bad behaviour as being down to their anxiety, somehow they don't have to take responsibility for it.

It's also important to remember that, as frustrating as it may be, this is not something that your child can just "snap out of".

Anxiety is a real and debilitating emotion and, as such, needs to be treated with care and understanding.

That being said, there are some things that you can do to help a child who uses their anxiety as an excuse:

Talk to them:

The first and most important thing that you can do is talk to your child. Try to get an understanding of what's going on for them and how they're feeling. This will help you to find the best way to support them.

Encourage them to express their feelings:

Encourage your child to express their feelings, whether it's through talking, drawing, or writing. This will help them to understand and process their anxiety.

Giving them tools to be able to express how they really feel will also help to build their self-esteem and confidence.

Help them to understand their anxiety:

Explain to your child what anxiety is and how it can affect them. This will help them to understand their own feelings and may make them feel more in control.

Develop a plan:

Once you understand what's going on for your child, you can work together to develop a plan to deal with their anxiety.

This may involve some trial and error, but it will help them to feel more in control.

Together, try to come up with ways that they can begin to challenge their anxiety and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Try to remain calm:

It can be difficult, but it's important to try and remain calm when dealing with a child who is using their anxiety as an excuse. If you get angry or frustrated, it will only aggravate the situation and make your child feel worse.

They are not necessarily going to grasp that your "anger" and "frustration" is rooted in not being able to help them as opposed to them directly.

...And, if all of the above fails...

Seek help from a professional

If you've tried everything and you're still struggling, it may be time to seek help from a professional.

A therapist or counsellor can help your child to understand and manage their anxiety in a safe and supportive environment.

Summary:

If your child is using their anxiety as an excuse, it's important to remember that they may not be doing it intentionally. It's also important to keep in mind that anxiety is a real emotion that can be debilitating.

There are some things that you can do to help a child who uses their anxiety as an excuse: talk to them, encourage them to express their feelings, help them to understand their anxiety, develop a plan, try to remain calm.

If you're concerned about your child's anxiety, please don't hesitate to reach out for help from a professional.